Anyway..
Ok here's one of my fav sermont by Charlotte.. sumthing. Can't remember. Apperantly she is a pastor from one of the church in England. It was my fav not becoz it was friendly to my ears but rather it was a total slap for me.
It was about out identity and it was taken from the story of the brothers Esau n Jacob. Esau is the older brother, and just like every one in the whole world, they are different in personality n characters (Gen 25: 26-27). Back then, Esau as the older brother was the one who had the right to get this 'exclusive blessing'.
However, out of love for Jacob and his future, Rebekah, their mother told Jacob to do watever she told him to do (well, mostly pretending to be his older brother) in order for him to get his older brother's birthright blessing from their father. Read Genesis 27 if you wanna know how much that exclusive blessing really worth. I mean, it was quiet a worth to fight for it=p.. haha. In short, Jacob sucesfully got the birthright blessing instead of Esau.
The story went on.. Jacob ran away from the family, especially from Esau coz he wanted to kill him (he yg mana him yg mana ngerti kan yah). On His run, God visited Jacob in his dream (Genesis 28) and he realized, God was there. Singkatnya.. after years, Jacob was on his way back home. There he was struggling with an angel to get his real blessing, the one that suppose to be for him (Gen 32: 24-28, read the NKJV version, the Man and He Jacob struggled with was in capital letters). The Angel blessed Jacob and and the Lord too (Gen 35:10) and said that his name was no longer Jacob but Israel.
The lessons from the story is.. the big question of who are we, really? It's only God who has the clear idea. Our creation was His idea. Not our ideas, not others' ideas. From Jacob's story, there are many times people surrounding us, especially those who love us dearly, they feel and think they know what is best for us. Out of love, Rebekah forced Jacob to be someone that he was not - that is to steal his older brother's birthright. Rebekah's love and Jacob's obidience were not wrong. What went wrong were Rebekah overwritting God's plan and Jacob choosing other's idea/ plan instead of God's. When we read on the story, we know Jacob's personality was far than a stealer. He was a patient, persistent and hard working man to get what he wants (kerja 14 taon for Rachel boooo!!!).
On Jacob's run when he was separated from everyone, there God visited him. Only then and finally Jacob realized, 'God is here', since he was too much caught up with his surroundings. And on his way back, before he was reunited to his family and home, Jacob was struggling to find his own blessing, that was, who Jacob really was. Then Jacob finally earned his own blessing, God's idea of him: Israel.
From the story we learn that sometimes we need to be separated from our surroundings in order for us to be able to really hear God's idea of us. We tend to hear and really get confused by others sayings. We tend to hear those we respected and love over God's voice. We tend to believe what we hear in reality than God's tender voice. We tend to live over others' approval over God's. No one in this world, even our mothers who carried us for 9 months since we were only a seed know us as much and as clearly as God who even created the seed itself. Not even our parents who gave us our name as our identity for the first time we arrived in the world. Not even they are whom we say 'our other half' has the precise idea. Nothing can give you idea of who you are, except God, not even our life experiences. See that even Jacob had gone thru his life experiences (work, marriage, kids, went around from places to places) he was still struggling of his identity.
Just like any creations in this world, no one has any precise idea of who we are, except the idea generators. We wouldn't know what a PDA could do if the creator didn't tell us, would we? Everytime my dad buys electronic products, mostly I am with him. Then he always investigates those gagdets in details, and sometimes, mbak2 n mas2 yg jualan itu, just have no idea at all what they are selling! Funny yea.. and they'll just adjust their answers so it won't sound like they have no idea - some will ask their co-workers.. and kadang juga at the end we won't get any answers from the store. You see that no one has idea of a product as best as the source. Makanya service mobil di authorised dealer, neng!! Hehe.
Gosh.. do we see it? Do we realize this? For me it was a huge huge realisation!!! Please don't live ourselves over others' approval. Approval of others are human ideas, not God's. I'm not saying live a life according to your udel - semaunya dewe n not respecting others. Just realized that very thin line that will cross God's idea for us - like Adam who chose to abide Eve more than God. I realized that most of the time we are live ourselves solely based on others approvals and acceptance - family, friends and society. We are to live what is the human ideas of 'good life' over God's good life ideas.
What's after the separation? That is struggling with God like Jacob did. He struggled and insisted to get his own blessing and approval from God - and he did.
And for us on the other side, let us not become God's plan overwritter for others. As daughters, friends, sisters and lovers, we are to become encouragers, supporters, lending hands, we are not God. Please. As much as we know, believe me that IT'S NEVER BE COMPARABLE WITH WHAT GOD KNOWS AND PLANS.
At the end of the sermont, Charlotte challenged us to really seek God's idea in us. Just before we went back home, before we were to again reunited with our surroundings like Jacob, just struggle with God and ask Him personally...
Who am I, God?
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