Far away, I called home last nite. They always wanna know how am I doing, do I eat fruits & veggie, do I eat good food 3 times daily, do I look left and right before crossing the road, and keep reminding me to lock the doors properly. being my parents' daughters for 24 years, they alway ask the same questions. Its how I know how much they love me.
I miss home. The sense and meaning of home is fading. Been to places, those which by the time I thought it's home, I had to leave and move on. Everything changes and time moves so swiftly by. And here I am, still not home.
Where I don't have to lock my doors and worry who is coming. For I know the ones around wouldn't do any harm and they are always them who I've always known. Somebody is always around and I won't be alone all night long, they're steps and shouts away. No doubt, no anxious.
I miss the safeness of a home.
I miss the sound of the news in the morning. The same radio station. And barely I hear those street sellers start their life. And not long after I would hear her calling my name, it's time to wake up. I miss the rush in the morning, and those shouts of, 'byeee' to and from each other. Goodbyes that never worries me because I know I will come back home, and there they'll be. I miss the sound of dad's horn in his rythm every evening. While 'mbak' ran for the gate, me and sis raced to get into dad's front seat just to be driven to the garage. That 1 second feeling of change, from the city's heat to dad's air-conditioned car, his office smell and the same radio station, I still can remember clear. Don't know why we did it back then, but it felt good to feel his presence home after a day.
I miss coming home to the warmth of family, a home-cooked meal and after-dinner chatter and movie. I miss weekend gateaway; church, long drive to the country sides, family dine out, or just staying at home and do our cooking time together.
I miss the certainty of family.
With every phone call, my home seems more distant. And with every conversation, I tell them that everything will be fine and there is nothing to worry about. So much uncertanities and different path that I still have to walk, but that ties that bind us so strongly, is my only home.
Someday I will find that place call home again. That place where my heart and tought can rest. That place where I know for sure, I am loved for whoever I am, forever.