Hohoho, sorry today I'm gonna be a little like a wise old man. Hahaha. I'm gonna ask a question: pernah ngga marah sama orang? Pernah ngga sakit hati sama orang (ya masa ama burung!)? Hmm, perna ga sakiiiiit hati buanget?? Pernah ngga ngerasa suakiiittt huatiii sampe rasanya satu badan lo n tulang2 lo sakit semua? Kalo bisa copot tuh tulang, copot beneran kali! Pernah ngga lo ngerasa sakit hati sampe seluruh darah yang ngalir di dalam badan lo tuh puanaasss n bener2 ngebakar semua yg ada di dalam elo?
... dan dari kerumunan orang banyak, ada cewe mungil yg berusaha terlihat dengan suara toa-nya tereak2.. "Guehhh... guehhhh!!!" N yep, thats me. Hahaha. Gw ngga mo pamer siy kalo gw perna ngerasa sakit hati banget, tapi yg gw mao pamerin kehebatan Tuhan gw.
Hari ini I came to church after beberapa hari semua badan gw dan jiwa gue in pain so much, cmn perkara gw sakit hati. Oh man, I tell u, gada sakit yg lebih sakit daripada penyakit ini. Rasanya lo pengen pergi ke dokter apa kek yang bisa nge-bedah n ngeluarin hati lo biar lo gak bisa ngerasa sakitnya lagi. If u have experience this hatred, u know how does it feel like. If I'm seeing myself, I'm not a person who's easily hate anyone.. but if I once do, I will hate that person sampe gw mati pun I'll hate that person. Hahaha.. u see, welcome to my darkest side!
Puncak semua sakit hati gue tuh kayanya kmrn n tadi malem lah. Sampe mo sinting gueehh, gak bisa tidur, tiap kali bangun, langsung tuh semua pikiran2 jelek n hati gw yang tertusuk2 muncul (padahal dlm keadaan setengah tidur pun pikiran gw bisa jalan dengan jelas!). And bangun pagi pun, that was the first thing on my mind, jadi gw gak bisa molor tidur gara2 pagi2 bangun udah mikirrr n menjadi gila sendiri. Hahaha. Gw bener2 mo gila rasanya being in that awful feeling. And this morning, still I came to church, with one big question I have on my mind that I wanted to ask my pastor: "Okay, everything happens in my life I can accept and I do surrender, but tell me know, how do u get rid of this pain?" Krn buat gw, yg susah bukan nerima kenyataan idup, tapi ngilangin semua rasa sakit hati iniiii.. oooooo.. katakanlah padaku *jadi nyanyi ga jelas*
I didn't ask him apperantly, but God did answer!!!! Gila.. serius niy gila banget rasanya. Unbelivable what God can do, and what u can do in HIM. I was teaching sunday school today, but I wanted s much to hear the Word of God bcoz I felt that I'm in a desperation, sampe gw "nguping" from this little room in the back, so I can listen while I was watching the kids. It was such a hassle, but it was worthed.
The topic was, 7 things you need to do/ have to receive His blessings. And the 6th one was about forgiving. Wohooo, nacaaabb sekale bo! Hahahaha. But as simply as that, the asnwer to my question of how can I get rid of my pain of hating a person is just by simply forgiving that person. Am I the best forgiver? Not at all!!!!! Hahahaha, in fact I'm not a forgiver at all. So, the next question is, how can u forgive people who has wounded you so deeply (caelah!). Jawabannya, u only can do it, with God, in God, and thru God. Simple but complicated, huh? U see, I don't think any human has a perfect heart to love like God does. So, it's no way possible to do this by your own power meskipun elo udah mengerahkan semua sel2 kebaikan yg tersisa dalam diri elo.
Maksudnya forgiving by His help? Maksudnya, it's something that it's only Him can heal. I mean, all of your hatred n pain, just if u willing to. So, I guarantee you, if u have any pain, so deep, or any hatred, and you come to God with willingness to let it go, you will be healed miracoulesly. Gw jamin!!!! Smp skrng aja gw masih ga percaya kalo all that worst feeling has gone at all... in one nite! In fact, in 30 minutes! This is not the time who heals me. And now, all of that bad... very bad thought about the person is not anymore recorded. Wohooo, I'm so free.. lepas, bebas.. malem ini gw bakal tidur senyum2 kali yaa?? N mungkin besok sperti biasa bukan kaga bisa tidur tapi kaga bisa bangunnn!! Hahahaha.
It's true, like it was said, when u start to feel hurt, the devil will use that little seed to make your brain think further.. and further to the worst, and your hatred and pain will just grow soo fast. And it's true, when u hate so much a person who u think has hurted you, somehow u expect by hating them that will "pay him/her back". It's not. Heart aching only hurts you more.. and more.. and more until u can't bare.. not the person who u hate! So, gw ngga mau nyiksa diri gue terus dengan sakit hati gw.. silly gurl!!!!
Wow, amazing banget deh pokoknya live in God. Really. This is only one of so many things I have experienced and learnt. So, buat orang2 di luar sana yg ngerasa udah nyakitin gue.. hahaha, gw mo bilang, you are indeed very very lucky coz I know God.. kalo gak sihh.. *mule ngancem*..hahaha, you are lucky coz you've been forgiven by Melissa!!!! Hahaha. Nggak lah, just thank God. And, I want to thank those, who has hurted me in anyway (or maybe they didn't, it's only me who allow myself to seed that hate).. waaa, thank you so much, because through you all I can experience God's goodness and miracles.. and I believe, God has use it to change my darkest side. Hohohohoho.
So yes, again, I'm reminded, when u live in God, u'll know that nothing happens accidentally. God uses every little and big things happen in your life, for your good purposes. And when you know it, that what makes you strong to stand and face against anything. THINK POSITIVE!! Btw, that is the 7th thing you need to do ^____________^. Have fun in God.
Labels: Love Actually, My Everything