Thursday, December 15, 2005

So here we go, accidentally I found this article and this is (almost) exactly what I've been learning this year (apart from those I wrote in the previous post - I'm learning big matters too you know =p).

U know I had always thought I have understand what it takes to be a strong person, and how to do it. And it's all about being a strong woman as the article mentioned, apart from works out everyday to keep her body in shape coz I don't bother to do that. Hahaha.

I used to think that being strong means that if anyone attacks me with a knife, I should take out my sword (the bigger knife) to stab back. So, please don't bother to mess with me.. or else.. elo bakal koit! Wakaka.

I used to think if anyone stabbing on my back, I should walk in front of them and walk in pride, to show that I'm not shaken by whatever they're trying to do.

I used to think I have to be well-built to be able to always stand strong against anything that tries to bring me down.

And God has brought me to a different perspective of being strong. Not on my own, but being strong in Him, the kind He expects me to be.

I'm learning that strength is about standing still, bearing all the attacks without attacking back. A strong person is not the one who always wins in battles, is not the one who's able to gun down their enemy (because they're smarter, bigger, stronger, and equipped with more advanced guns), but the one who's no matter how rough the battles look, still courageously going into the battles. It’s easy to stay alive when you attack back, but what about if you can’t attack back, all you can do is wait, stand and still. That takes lots more courage and STRENGTH.

This relates so much with surrendering (read my whole bunch posts about surrendering). *Still confused about berserah & menyerah up to this point* It's that very thin line in between.

Gini loh contohnya (of what am trying to say).
Him/ her: Mel, ayam loe! (pilih yg rada2 alus)

Melissa dengan kekuatan sendiri: kutu, cacing, semut loe!!!!!
*Puas n merasa menang* "Emang elo yang ciptain gw?!"

Melissa that I'm trying to be: *jantung kembang kempis menahan emosi* Makasih.. *senyum*, kalo butuh apa2 kasih tau gw aja ya (gile, kesannya gw angel banget Hahaha). "Makasih Tuhan, You allow it to happen because you want me to learn to be humble & loving, to be the way You want me to be, for my own good." --Inget tapi, pembalasan milik Tuhan-- hahahaha.. gak gak.

But you see, the second version needs much more courage, and strength dibadingin yang pertama. Agreeee???

When you caught up in the rain, the quick and easy thing to do to "save" yourself is to run and get home ASAP. This way you'll get less wet, and of course, less chance to be sick. But sometimes God wants us to stay in the rain (for a while, not forever). He wants to teach us to stay strong with the strength from Him, although it's raining. He wants to show us that He could protect us from sickness although we stay in the rain, or if we even allowed to get sick, He wants us to see that He heals. He wants us to see that His power is not limited to the rain, sun or storms, and.. just mention other things He wants us to experience, see and learn, banyak banget actually! Admit it that God's not lacking of power to strip away the rain. It's just sometimes He allows it for us to grow, to be mature, not staying childish the way we were.

Emang bener yah kalo dibilang apa yang bener itu dianggap bodoh sama dunia.. soalnya bener2 kaga make sense.. seriously.

I'm learning being strong doesn't mean I can't be shaken. It's not about walking with pride, but about walking with love and poise that I'm taking whatever assaults & stabs they throw on me but still I'm able to walk humbly.

I'm learning strength is not about standing tall at all times, unshaken. Strength is how I pick up myself up when I fall. And I'm learning that it really is okay to fall once or two so that I learn that I'm not that strong and above anything else, I need God at all times. And most, I learn & experience God's goodness and His character much more when I fall, not when I'm standing strong.

Ternyata, being strong is not about avoiding pains and wounds, it's not about always being strong, is not about never fall, but strength is about facing the pains, going through the difficulties, hanging on the dark, healing from the wounds and learning to stand once again every time we fall. And the hardest one of all, is getting emotionally "disabled" that no matter how bad people treat, I have to be able to still, love them.

I have learnt and I'm still learning.. God knows how much I have tried, even many times I have failed.

So now, ending up the year of 2005, in spite of all, I can breath gladly that I have learnt so much about life, about myself and of course about God.

What about you guys? Have you learnt anything in the year of 2005? Let's look back, not to regret but to give thanks.

Labels: Characters, My Everything